zero to sixty... in reverse

I have a whole list of things that I want to blog about: the Josephson family reunion, my time home in Calgary, short trip to Chicago for Grammy's memorial, a LONG overdue Europe post, etc. And it's certainly not a lack of time that is keeping me from writing them. But it seems that sometimes it's harder for me to get things done when I have nothing but time.

The other night I had a dream that I was on vacation somewhere and forgot that I had a couple papers due. The dream was filled with stress and that frantic feeling - scrambling to get something done last minute. When I woke up, it took me a minute to realize it was just a dream. So relieved... sort of.

Friends and family are quick to remind that I deserve this break, that my life this spring was so hectic, that it takes some time to decompress. They are right, and I appreciate the reminder. Life WAS hectic. Overly so. I who cherish the downtime, the nights to myself, I should relish this time. I was running myself ragged, pushing too hard, going a million miles an hour. I'm not the type to enjoy being over-scheduled and hyper busy. I love rest.

But I have a confession. I'm bored. Europe was phenomenal. It was the breath of fresh air that we wanted and needed. We lived for the moment each moment, loved every second of that great adventure. It was rejuvenating and relaxing. We came back to the chaos of packing up our lives and starting new ones. Moving here was a whirlwind and it's taken some time to gather up the pieces of our lives and to decompress - take a deep breath.

I've had the entire summer off to play. And play I have! As I've mentioned it's been an incredible and fulfilling summer, and now it's coming to an end. My plans for the year take shape and fall apart - sometimes multiple times a day. Some days I'm full of optimism and enthusiasm and others I'm simply restless,unfulfilled. I want a job, I crave structure. I'm starting to miss school. I miss working, thinking, doing.

So my prayer is this: that I will act on ambition on the days that I have it, and that I won't beat myself up when I don't. Beyond that, I pray that I live each day in His joy and peace. Contentment doesn't always come easy, but it has the power to transform and transcend these worries. I need to figure out some of these temporal pieces of my life, but I also need to remember that they are just that.

Quelle belle ete

I always said that there is nothing like a Chicago summer, or that summers in Chicago almost make the winters bearable. And then I thought that maybe it's simply that summer is the best time in ANY city. But now I know the truth. There is NOTHING like a Seattle summer.

Since the week after we first arrived in Seattle almost each day has been perfect. Hot, sunny, blue skies. Mountain backdrops, shimmering lakes and trees everywhere you look. We spent this Sunday afternoon laying on the grass at South Lake Union Park watching the sea planes land and sailboats go by. I've spent plenty of time up on our rooftop deck soaking up the sun, but this time we decided to venture down to that little patch of green. There aren't a ton of parks in Seattle, given that land is at such a premium - but the waterfront more than makes up for it. Here we got the best of both worlds. That grass felt like a little piece of heaven between our toes. That same evening was spent on our rooftop deck, grilling, drinking wine and talking all night with my cousin Ben and wife Jen. We have had any number of these perfect days in Seattle.

We've been truly blessed by our friends and family who have come visit us in the short time that we have been here. It's been such a gift to have people to share my days with and to explore Seattle with. It's also a nice reminder that we're not alone here. My sisters have visited, friends have driven down from Vancouver just for the day, and those who have passed through town have made a point of seeing us. It's been wonderful. We settle in more each day, meet more people and are starting to feel connected at church. It's still too early to tell what the year will hold for us, and so much remains up in the air. I'm trying to embrace this uncertainty. So we are grateful, we are at peace, and we are loving summertime in Seattle. Come visit.

Grammy

Adam's dear grammy, Virginia (Ginny) Johnson, passed away this week. It didn't take long for her to find her way into my heart, and over the nine years that I knew her she became my grammy too. She had such a calming and peaceful demeanor, and you couldn't help but feel loved and comforted by her presence. She was never one to talk much of herself, but when she spoke you always wanted to listen. Without fail when we'd ask how she was doing she'd respond, "I can't complain." Never a truer remark was made as I believe that she was in fact incapable of complaining. It was a classmate of Adam's who cared for her in her last few days and even he noted her selfless disposition and kind heart. Grammy was a famous and gracious hostess, never happier than when she was able to take care of those she loved. When someone that knew her discovered my good luck at having married into her family, I would always be treated to raving accolades of her cooking and stories of her legendary hospitality. I was always humbled and honoured to hear the words that were spoken of Ernie & Ginny Johnson. I never knew Grampy, but I was blessed with nine years with Grammy. There is no way for me to know how many lives she touched throughout her 85 years. I only know this, she touched mine. She is missed.

I love you, Grammy.

although I've traveled far...

It's impossible for me to believe that a month ago we were having the time of our life in Europe, and that only two weeks ago we were finishing packing up our beloved apartment and getting ready to bid adieu to so many of our friends and family in Chicago. I have little concept of time these days. Tuesday is no different than Saturday and I couldn't tell you if we've been here for days, weeks or months (well I'd have to think about it first).

We arrived last Tuesday afternoon and since then we have spent most of our time unpacking, spending time with friends who passed through town last weekend, and visiting with my sister and nephew this week. So if you're wondering how we're adjusting to our new life it'd be almost impossible to answer. So far so good, but this isn't normal life yet. The reality hasn't quite sunk in.

Adam had his first day of residency yesterday and is on his first overnight (30 hour) call today. Nothing like jumping right in. His rotation this month is at the Medical ICU at Harborview (similar to Cook County in Chicago). He's overwhelmed and nervous. He is responsible for patients in a way he never has been before and that surely is a sobering, yet empowering thought. I am enormously proud of him and loved seeing him come home from orientation one day with his new, full-length white coat embroidered with Adam Johnson, M.D.

His life is full and structured and mine is anything but. I have kept busy and distracted with friends, family and fun and haven't started thinking about the job search or really accepted the fact that I am unemployed. Yikes. I keep saying I need to give myself a grace period, and extend myself some grace. I know it's true, but it's hard to live in that and not feel like I'm just making excuses. The job search and all its stress and insecurities will come soon enough. I could be convinced to take some time off this summer, but once the bills start coming in the sense of urgency will arrive.

We miss Chicago. I'm not crippled by homesickness, yet. I live somewhere in the tension between sadness and loss and hopefulness and expectancy. I think that when all is said and done, when we've uprooted our lives and driven across the country with all our belongings in the truck behind us and our cat in between us, and arrived at our new 'home' that we'd never seen and could only find thanks to the wonder of GPS and Garmin, that being OK is more than I could have safely hoped for.

I did experience a strange sensation on our trip. The further west we got, the more I felt at home. I loved every mile of the scenery that rolled by. The plains, the badlands, the foothills, the mountains. It's all achingly beautiful in my eyes. The west is where I belong and I believe that soon it will become my home. It hurt to the very core of my being to leave our life in Chicago, and the longing is far from subsiding. When we passed the junction of 94-E and 90-W somewhere more than a 1000 miles away from Chicago I wanted nothing more than to take the exit and head back. I may have if we would have been able to resume life as normal, if our apartment and jobs were waiting for us. I praise God that they are not, and that I wasn't faced with that decision. We were led here and in the midst of all the newness and unknown there is peace and there is hope.

So that, my friends, is our update.

a list

I love lists. This one is in honour of the last 8 years of my life. I'm making a running list of the things that I will, and won't, miss about Chicago (I'm not listing any people - that's obvious).

here goes (in no particular order):

Will miss:
Tre Kronor
Dawali
Lincoln Square
Winnemac Park
North Park
the RP (Ravenswood Pub)
my apartment
annual pub crawl
Ravenswood Covenant Church
kickboxing class
Mayfest/Germanfest
downtown Chicago
living on the first floor
Cubs games
summer
impromptu barbeques
playing bags at Foster beach
watching little league baseball with Adam
Old Orchard
Cesar's margaritas
chocolate martinis at Bowman's
walking to the Davis Theatre

Won't miss:
the smell of the North Branch
crossing Foster Ave.
North Park
the weather
potholes
using the bathrooms in Magnuson
the water pressure in our apartment
homework

it's time...

I used to have a Xanga (didn't we all). I posted on it occasionally, but I always hated the thought that people could be reading it, and its true purpose was to waste time at work. Now Xanga days are gone and blogspot is here. I created this blog about two years ago and have been hesitant to "give it a go." I wanted the site so we could save it for a time when our lives are more exciting, or my writing skills are better.

Well... perhaps that time is now here...