Friday, November 6, 2009

'just a cat'

I feel compelled to blog about what's been going on with Jack since most everyone that might read my blog has probably been well informed via facebook of the ordeal. However, I really just don't know what to say. It's been a loooong two weeks. He seems to be doing well overall, but there is still cause for concern and will be for the next two weeks (and to some degree forever after that).

Facing the thought of losing him has been tremendously difficult and I have realized to just what extent his constant companionship and love have helped me through this move and transition. It would be very lonely here without him. The ups and downs of his recovery (I think there have been FIVE times we've been positive that we'd have to put him down) have taken quite a toll on me. There have been many times in my life when I have underestimated my strength and been surprised by it, but this time I think I have overestimated it and that in itself has been a shock to my system. I am weak, I need help, I need prayer. I am doing my best to embrace this vulnerability and to simply ask for the help and intervention that I need. It's terribly humbling, but a little hit to my pride is a small price to pay at this point. Perhaps there is strength in admitting weakness. While the transition to this new life has been largely positive, losing Jack could emphasize a lot of the hard parts and I would greatly miss the comfort and consistency he provides.

So I pray. I pray that he will continue to heal, that this whole process and all these bills will not simply end in tragedy, but in recovery. I pray that he continues to pee, that he eats, and that soon he will decide to pooh again. I know, right? What absurd concerns. I pray that I will continue to draw near to God in this time and that I will find his peace no matter what happens and that his strength will be sufficient. I pray for strength to continue taking care of Jack even though I just. want. to. be. done. with it all. I hate this weakness, I hate the feebleness that this has brought out, but I ask for the courage to not deny it and seek the help I need when I need it. I pray for Adam as he struggles to take care of Jack and me at home while burdened with his highly stressful job that is starting to burn him out. As always, I'm grateful for the support, love and prayers of my friends and family. I have been so blessed through so many in this time. And I appreciate those who are graceful enough to simply accept how hard this is for us even if Jack is 'just a cat.' When all is said and done, he's OUR cat, he brings us a lot of love and joy and I pray that he sticks around for a lot longer.

P.S. This whole ordeal has also increased my need for any sort of job. It would be good to get out more, and a paycheck would be - well a big help. :)


Unknown said...

Hey Sheri,
Thanks for writing. I totally understand how you are feeling. My family cat, Luke, is missing from our home. We have had him for 10 years and he is definitely a part of our family. I'm really freaking out about it and just wishing he would turn up. I hope Jack gets better! As for everything else, i know you will get through it! Moving is always so hard and a huge adjustment. I'm sure you will get a job soon! You have lots of people who are praying for you and thinking about you guys! I know everything will come together and be great!

Ann said...

Hi Sheri -

Your posting made me teary-eyed. You identified so well some of the feelings I had when we moved to Chicago. I didn't have the crisis of a sick pet to deal with, but I did have to stare vulnerability in the face and realized that my vast store competence has its limits.

I came through it somehow, but I will never be the same. I wish I could be sure that my change has been for the better...but I'm not sure.

Michael-Sarah-Greta-Calla-Samuel said...

sheri- i love your honesty & heart. reading your blog & facebook updates really just makes me think you are an amazing friend, wife & will be an amazing mother. i know it might not seem connected to jack- but caring so deeply for him is a reflection of the way you care for others. thanks for sharing the journey with us. we will keep praying. love you LOTS! and i hope to see you next week- even if it means stopping by your place- i will work hard to make it happen!